Midnight Musings

The below text is a grounded, reflective monologue about depression, environment, biology, and agency, from someone who’s walked through them and emerged stronger for it.

Mental health is a fickle beast. It is not something often addressed in social circles, and can be extremely debilitating. People may feel stigmatized or ashamed of themselves for not being able to portray a strong, stoic, or balanced face to the world. Not feeling seen, heard, acknowledged, respected, or not having one’s needs met, can have drastic effects on the psyche, and is not unique to humankind. We see all sorts of stress reactions across the animal kingdom, in birds, dogs, and cats.

Stress affects different people in different ways, but there’s also different kinds of stress. There’s the sort of pressure that motivates one to lock in on a task to complete it within a given timeframe, while other stressors can be the result of repeated exposure to certain external stimuli. Over time, our patience can erode and our ability to respond effectively can degrade. It is the latter that can bring even the most powerful to their knees, for one’s mind is one’s most powerful tool.

Control over one’s environment is a key indicator. Only so much of what we experience is a result of our choices, and a lot is also a projection of other people’s needs, wants, expectations, and internal narratives playing out in the real world. Consequences of our actions – good and bad – also play their part. And one’s mind is one’s most powerful tool; there’s a saying: It doesn’t matter if you think you can or if you think you can’t. You’re right. The mind believes what we tell it; one is not likely to succeed and thrive in an environment that is toxic. Meaning, if we are surrounded by people that constantly belittle, insult, demean us, tear us down, attack and dismiss us, you’re not likely to do very well for very long.

Consider the Cherokee tale of an old man and a young pupil. The old man tells his student there are two wolves in each of us, battling for dominance. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. The pupil asked the mentor, “Which one wins?”

The mentor simply answered, “The one you feed.”

One’s mood is also regulated in one’s brain via chemicals; sometimes, for various reasons, these chemical producers and receptors become, for lack of a better term, misaligned. Pharmaceutical intervention can help rebalance that, but the danger in that is psychological addiction, when one feels one cannot at least fake a facsimile of stability without drug prescriptions. This is not meant to discourage  medical intervention; it can help, but dependency concerns are valid and a real danger. Such treatments should be informed and guided.

Humans existed long before pharmaceuticals and modern society’s conveniences eased a great many survivalist requirements. Such progress is to be celebrated; however, without challenges to push oneself, comfort and stagnation are quick to settle in. Here’s the thing: human beings aren’t meant to sit idle. Rest and recovery are important, yes, and not overexerting oneself is important as well, yet fundamentally inactivity can worsen mental states, particularly if we dwell in spaces that do us harm.

None of this is simple, and not all of it is within immediate control.

Where is this going, with regards to mental health? Well. Bearing in mind all that’s been said about how mental health can affect us – location, environment, experiences, and how modern medicine can help provide support – many studies have been done that show how some of the most powerful antidepressants are quite under-utilized. Consider: when that dull aching numbness settles in, ask yourself if you’re giving yourself a fair chance. 

• Are you eating healthy food? 
• Getting enough sunlight? 
• Maintaining a modest level of physical activity?
• Getting sufficient sleep? 
• Consuming/exposing oneself to positive material and environments?  
• Surrounding yourself with meaningful support? 

If not, these factors can make a meaningful difference when they are within reach.

It may seem impossible to do even the smallest thing when one is locked in the throes of a deep depression. But even minor things can have an outsized effect. And discipline compounds! Baby steps are still steps forward. The mind is a physical thing, and is not separate from the body. Change is possible, but often gradual and uneven. You have agency. You are not helpless, but you have to recognize, evaluate and take appropriate action.  Happiness comes from within, it isn’t handed to you by someone else.  This is why things like eating healthy food, getting enough exercise, sunlight and sleep, laughing at good jokes – or bad ones! – and surrounding oneself with positive energies matter.

You have agency and control. Remember that. Prosperity and a life worth living are not built any other way.

FIDES – HONORES – INTEGRITAS