Midnight Musings

This is a sharp companion piece to “Oh, so you want a girlfriend?” Desire isn’t the problem. Desire is human. The problem is lying to yourself about what that desire is, dressing it up as love, loneliness, or some noble need for connection. You’re mistaken for pretending envy or lust is love, and for expecting a woman to fix the life you refuse to build. This is written in the tone of an older brother who cares about you and wants to see you succeed, but only if you stop fooling yourself. It’s not contempt; it’s the kind of harshness that appears when gentler language has failed. 

Oh, so you want a girlfriend?

That’s great! What do you offer someone of the opposite gender? Unlimited love and affection? Free car repairs? RIIIIIGHT. That’s not what women seeking long-term partners are looking for in men. You don’t want a girlfriend, you want to have sex. Nothing wrong with that, but these are NOT the same thing. A girlfriend implies partnership, alignment, shared space and life direction. Sex? Naked hunger, the basest of urges next to the need to eat. Fuck off with that shit; grow up. And don’t complain about being lonely. Are you lonely? Like, REALLY lonely? Or just horny? If you think it’s love you want, but what you really mean is relief from sexual frustration, handle that privately and see what remains. If the longing vanishes afterward, it wasn’t love. Just appetite.

Wake up, my guy. Wanting a girlfriend is easy. It’s like wanting a sandwich. The challenge lies in the infrastructure – in meal prep, condiments and toppings, cleanup, and the ability to get to a place where food is sold and pay for it.  Want a sandwich? Make a damn sandwich. But understand that “a sandwich” is not a female partner you can put your dick in whenever you feel the need. It’s a disciplined lifestyle that makes you desirable to another. 

Women want to be with a man, not a boy. Someone with their shit sorted, who can navigate difficult conversations and face challenges & adversity without collapsing mentally, emotionally or physically. Someone with some ambition and drive, who takes accountability for their behaviors, doesn’t brush things off or – again – collapse at every downturn. Or flees into substances or video games to mask over, or retreat from, things like accountability, their past, or uncomfortable situations/conversations. Gaming – like anything else –  is fine in moderation, except when you use it as a crutch or to retreat.

And women are more than a thing that awakens your lust. Yes, there’s evolutionary reasons why beauty is more desirable, but if the first thing you reduce her to is how badly you wanna  tap that, you’re not seeing a person. You’re calling it attraction, because that sounds cleaner than hunger. You wouldn’t want that done to you; don’t do it to her. Beauty is only skin deep. And lust makes you stupid. This is why things like character and integrity matter – to her AND to you. And just as your eye may be drawn to appearance, so is hers.  And if appearance is all you chase, don’t pretend you’re looking for partnership. So before you go judging someone for their grooming, weight, posture, style, hygiene, energy, tone, put your house in order there first. 

Loneliness explains the hunger. It doesn’t justify entitlement.

Love is declared not in words, but in behaviors. In actions and in attitudes. And if you can’t love yourself, hold yourself to a certain standard, how can you expect anyone else to? Don’t get pissy when you don’t get picked, when very little about you may be desirable to her. Do you make her feel seen? Feel safe? Can you provide for and protect her? Not saying you need to wine and dine at fancy restaurants every weekend – you’re not an ATM, and provision doesn’t mean financial servitude. A partnership is TWO people aligned and moving forward together, but if all you offer is loneliness, desire, and hunger, or have little beyond money, emotional immaturity, or a life even YOU don’t respect, don’t act shocked when she sees the mismatch and walks. You would too.

I know you’re lonely. I know you’re horny. I know you want to be chosen. But none of that makes you ready, and none of that entitles you to a woman. Build yourself until partnership is something you can sustain, not just something you crave.